15 Miles Slaughtered in the Sloppy Wet Mud of Colorado- A Reflection on Missed Expectations

Last week I got up at 4am for my morning run and quickly checked my work email and saw an emergency that needed to be addressed and decided to jump into the problem, letting my planned morning run lapse into failure. I work out at 4am to prevent work and life conflicts but on this day, my well-intentioned plans were sunk. One missing run day was not the end of the world, but this missed training opportunity caused my good health mindset to splinter and crack. For the remainder of the day, I was genuinely upset for not making my marathon training the priority given it was 4am prior to normal business hours. At 630pm that evening, the workday ended, and I could have run but the negativity created throughout the day by missing my morning run just avalanched into another wrong decision to not make up the workout. Just a prime example of one unwise decision creating a new world dynamic that transcends into a new bad choice pathway. The next morning, I choose work over my run yet again, but this decision was much easier to make. Later that day I reflected upon missing two early morning runs and the ramifications of making such changes in my marathon training schedule. With one wrong decision, I was letting myself diverge from the quest of 26.2 miles and let my own mind subvert the fortitude that stands alone against the slothfulness that resides within me. At the end of the day, I am my own biggest enemy. The marathon will care little for my work schedule and lack of motivation, if I am not prepared it will suck my will to endure until ultimate failure prevails. How can I expect to finish 26.2 miles if I can’t even consistently stick to my training schedule? I was on the verge of letting one bad decision affect my good health and needed to rectify this mindset before it manifested into a negative trend. That night I ran but it was more than a workout, it was a line in the sand against a negative mindset.

With all this said, one must also not be too hard on oneself; life happens and none of us are perfect. Something I could have done better with through this process is to remember to give myself Grace over guilt. We are going to fail, we are going to fall short of our expectations, we are going to become disappointed in ourselves. Guilt only leads to self-hate and more bad choices. Grace leads to healing, to self-love and positive decisions. Without Grace, we can’t grow and can’t become better versions of ourselves. I could have done better in this space and it’s something for me to ponder for the inevitable next disappointment. 

Another lesson learned for me was about keeping the end game always in site and not let adversity sabotage what I have worked so hard to achieve. It’s unrealistic to expect that I will be able to stick with my training schedule 100 percent of the time. Workouts will be missed, and adversity will occur. The trick is not let these disruptions transcend into a self-defeating mindset. Your best defense against this is to always give yourself grace over guilt.

“Life makes fools of all of us sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you’ll at least be able to take your humiliations with some measure of grace. In the end, you know, it’s our own expectations that crush us.”
― Paul Murray, Skippy Dies