Tag Archives: harley Davidson

Test to see where you fall in the Motorcycling Obsessive Compulsive Data Metrics Scale

Are you obsessed with motorcycling?  Take the short test below to see where you fall in the Motorcycling Obsessive Compulsive Data Metrics Scale or (MOCDMS).   The test is easy to complete.  Just answer Yes or No to each question below.  At the end of the questionnaire count the number of “Yes” Answers and correspond your result to the MOCDMS Result Metric at the end of the test.

TwoTireTirade is not responsible for future symptoms and or treatments of your Motorcycling Obsessive Compulsive Disorder nor is TwoTireTirade certified by any medical or physiological organization.  The research used in the MOCDMS was not done in the conjunction with the American Psychological Association.

Please see the twelve Questions immediately below and remember to be honest in your answers.  You will only answer Yes or No to each question listed.  Falsely answering questions may lead to an inaccurate data result.

  1. Have you ever just drove your motorcycle on a major highway to weave in and out of traffic?
  1. Do you gaze at helmets for long periods of time like others do fine art?
  1. Do you know what “Farkle” Means?
  1. Do you know why Motorcyclist often have bells on their cycles?
  1. Have you debated the benefits of Leather Jackets verses Synthetic Jackets?
  1. Can you define what the “Tail of the Dragon” means?
  1. Would you rather ride in the Rain on a Motorcycle rather than be dry in a car in the same conditions?
  1. Do you know what the term “Cage” Refers to?
  1. Can you describe in general terms what the concept “Counter Steering” means?
  2. Do you believe that Lane Splitting should be legal in all 50 States?
  1. Do you know how to avoid a “Yard Shark Attack”?
  1. Does your spouse/friends/family roll their eyes whenever you bring up Motorcycling due to the fact that they are just tired of your rants on the subject?

Please tally your Yes Responses to the above questions and correspond your Results to the Data Metrics Below:

Number of Yes Responses

0 – 4 Yes Responses

No need for medication or therapy at this time.  You are not at all fascinated by the motorcycling culture and should feel perfectly secure in the fact that you’re normal.

5 – 8 Yes Responses

You have dipped your toes into the world of motorcycling but have not dived in head first.  There is hope for you to maintain your status as being part of the social norm.  It is recommended that you stay away from motorcycle oriented retail operations and other motorcycle friendly establishments to curve your future motorcycle urges.  We recommend that your refrain from adrenaline enhancing behavior which may lead to ugly thoughts of life on two wheels.

9-10 Yes Responses

You have issues and should seek immediate medical and or psychological treatment.  You have been overtaken by the Philosophy of Life on Two Wheels. It will be a long hard road to get back to a normalized life.  You constantly think of motorcycling and plan the majority of your social interactions around your motorcycling life style.  The majority of your free time is spent dwelling about future motorcycling trips and or on plans to enhance your cycle.   Motorcycling has dramatically changed your life and has affected the relationships between you and your friends and family.  You have lost productivity at work because of your dependence on motorcycling.  Motorcycling is becoming you and you are desperately in need of professional help.

11 – 12 Yes responses

You have Terminal Motorcycling Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; for you there is no hope.  At this time, your best bet is to dive head first into your obsession and let it consume you to the bitter end.  Indulge in a new bike and or buy another cycle for your collection.  Given your horrific mental condition, ride hard and ride often.  Don’t toil over needless worries and ride free.   Dream big and live bigger.  Let no one diverge you from your passion and surround yourself with others whom suffer your same affliction.  As they say, misery loves company.

This community service has been provided by TwoTireTirade.  Leave me a comment and let me know how you did on the test.

 

Dogs and Cycles

 


Love the Ride for the Pure Joy of Life and the Never Ending Dream

shark

I knew that it would be another tough day at the office filed with turbulence and strife.  My commute is about an hour and felt a profound satisfaction that my hectic work day would start and end on my motorcycle.  During my ride, I dwelled upon the end of winter and the beginning of a new season.

As the sun peaks over the horizon and shares its warm vibrant rays, I realize that winter has retreated north.  The scent of new life has permeated through the plains and mountains and one can almost smell the land coming alive from a winter’s desolate exile.  The rivers are more vibrant, fed by melting snow and the birds chatter among the trees in an epic devotional of the miracles of spring.   For motorcyclist living in a multifaceted climate, this time of year represents an open door to freedom which removes limitations to our ability to ride.   The warm air and gentle breeze call us from afar to find new paths to places rarely visited.

Motorcycling in spring is like waking up to find that one’s awe-inspiring fantasy has indeed become a reality.  Seize the moment and ride.  Find a new adventure, research the wonders of history in your backyard, visit a friend long-lost, and cherish the majestic environment that only spring can display.  We are our own leading restraint in finding happiness in this world; don’t let any obstacle get in your way.   Now is the time to leave the chaos of life behind and chase smiles and grins on black top covered dreams.

We live a life of risk and rewards.  Every day may be the last day but we are always planning for tomorrow.  It’s a life of balance and one must never lose touch with rationale thought but an occasional jaunt living on the edge builds character.  Find time to live and breathe the fresh air of an uncluttered mind.  Focus on the Ride and let the road be your long-lost muse.

No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn” –  Hal Borland

happiness


Frozen Traces of Carnage and the Moment of Slowness

fish

A few days ago, I got my cycle out for a short jaunt.  It was a sunny February day and the snow had melted and there was no ice on the roads, it felt safe to ride.  Given the melancholy bleakness of winter, it felt like a hot summer August day.  Weather can be a matter of perspective.  I went to school in Buffalo, NY where it rained and or snowed 6 days of the week.  Snow drifts the size of houses are a normal occurrence in Western, NY and the snow will last from November through March.  This Sunny February day felt like the Bahamas but the reality was that it was about 40 degrees.

It felt good to ride again.  I recently did a bunch of maintenance on my ride and she felt nimble and ready to pounce.  As I was rounding a corner, I saw a golf course sprinkler system watering the greens.  There was a brisk westerly wind pushing tiny droplets of water away from the golf course and onto the road.  I automatically knew that given the temperature outside that the mist accumulating on cold tarmac would translate into a caustic situation.  The fact that I was riding on a brand new front tire did not help the situation (Always Be Careful on New Tires).  I was already in the curve and without thinking, I tried to upright my bike before going into the wet pavement because I felt that it may be ice.  I am not right often but this time I was, that golf course sprinkler mist turned that corner into black ice carnage.

As soon as I hit the patch of water, I felt my tires sliding out of control and that is when my brain went into slow motion.  It’s like you’re thinking in normal speed but everything in your environment is moving at a snail pace.  This has not happened to me since Iraq.  In combat situations, sometimes things just slow down.  Do you remember in the movie Saving Private Ryan when Tom Hanks is on Omaha Beach on D-Day and everything just goes in slow motion, that is what it was like.

The funny thing is the first thought in my mind was the safety of my new Bell Helmet.  It’s such a gorgeous helmet and the thought of it bouncing off the road chipping paint was just to horrific to contemplate.  Then I thought of wanting steak and eggs with white toast, eggs done over easy fashion.  Then I pondered my wife’s reaction, she would be so angry at me.  I imagined being in a coma and having my wife lecture me for 43 hours straight on the dangers of motorcycling.  Trapped in a coma listening to anti motorcycling propaganda sounded almost as bad as damaging my new slick painted retro lid.  My last thought I remembered was hoping the dogs would be ok outside if I did not make it home till my kids got back from school.  The beasts are inside dogs and it was a little chilly and hoped they would not be cold.

Then as soon as it happened the cycle righted its self and I was off the ice driving safely forward.  The moment lasted less than a second but it felt like 4 minutes.

After further reflection, I am not sure about my contemplative priorities while getting ready to crash on the motorway.  Luckily the crash never happened but it makes me think that we could all be only one second away from a life changing moment.  Cherish the time you have on two wheels when you can get it and always let your loved ones know how much you care for them.

I don’t fear crashing as much as I fear not being able to ride.

motorcycle-you-love


A Motorcycle Mindset- Exploits beyond the Plateau

sad-dog

Have you ever noticed the fact that motorcyclist tend to be individuals that normally diverge from the status quo.  When everyone else goes straight down the road of life, motorcyclist travel a different path.  We tend to have eccentric demeanors.  Our focus is not laser pointed unless were deeply entrenched into a journey on two wheels.  What we lack in focus we gain in individual perspective.  Motorcyclist may lack money and fancy houses but we have awesome stories of phenomenal substance.

Motorcyclist have a profound appreciation of life outside societal norms.  We tend to believe in hard work and dedication to family but our minds drift through the surreal in search of harmony and bliss.  The ride is not just about speed and adrenaline, it’s about searching our senses and our environment in a quest to find what is real in this life.   Don’t get me wrong, I love the wondrous views and the remote sense of fear as I take that curve a little too quick but it’s more than that.  It’s about finding our own path and dictating our own terms in a world where individual thought is discouraged.  Our continual search takes us all too a different spectrum of our environment.  Our quest will never lead us to the same answers, were just too darn individualistic to share that same route.

I have been working so much lately in an effort to do what is right for my family.  I have no issue with my job but sometimes I feel that maybe it takes me away from what is real about life.  In Denver, we have a huge homeless problem.  Some of these folks are surely caught up in despair and bad luck.  The gruesome cycle of poverty is no joke and I feel fortunate that I am still able to work and support my family.  With that said, every once in a while as I pass a person I think is homeless and they look at me and I swear THEY THINK, “you look at me like I am homeless but you’re the one I pity.  I may have no wealth or monetary substance but you are living a life of real poverty.”  I never want to be homeless.  I write this while camping in the mountains of Colorado in January.  Its bloody cold out, my fingertips feel like little rocks as I type away at the keys.  My hands and digits are stone cold and I shiver as my toes ask warmth but there is none to be found.  I camp in the cold typing on my laptop knowing that I have a warm home awaiting me after my winter camping festivities which provides me eternal security beyond recognition.  Homeless people do not have this option and this simple tragedy keeps me awake at night. Wow, I never want to be homeless and cold with nowhere to go. Most homeless surely do not want to be in their predicament and are looking for solutions to meet their immediate needs.  I grieve for these individuals and hope they can find warmth and security.   As bad as being homeless may be, is it possible that a few people choose to be homeless?  We live such complicated lives and through simplification of our environment our minds become less cluttered with problems and worries. Henry David Thoreau wrote, “As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.” I believe that there are a few individuals that choose this life style.  These few persons, give up everything in their search for an answer.  It’s an ALL IN Approach in their path to find knowledge.  This is a journey I never want to follow but I respect their conviction and courage.

One of the best books of insight I ever read was a novel called Siddhartha.  It’s a spiritual word fest of enlightenment.  When I was younger, this book answered many of my questions about what makes an individual truly rich.  I still very much respect this book for its wisdom but I have found in my declining years that answers of this magnitude can never be answered by a book but must be answered by the individual seeking guidance in the matter.  The answers are all relative and change with every individual.   I believe that books will never truly answer our questions but are needed to help us find wisdom so we can answer those questions ourselves.

Wow that was a tangent, I think I finally have succumbed to hypothermia.  My toes are now numb and silenced.  My hope is that I may be able to thaw them in my car.   My fingers are now in a frozen state and lack the manual dexterity to hit the correct keys.  It’s their way to punish me for writing in the snowy cold mountains in the middle of the night without any heat.  One last thought, I do believe that there is something about riding that helps us open our minds to answers and wisdom.  Maybe it’s a Zen Like state comparable to meditation that our minds transcend to while riding?  All I know is that mind works differently when riding in a positive way and for that I am thankful.

my-big-at-the-beach


Hope Lives for Two Wheels

Keep the faith people, it’s already January. Soon the road will shed its winter coat.
The cold and ice tear at my soul as I degrade to a frigid mental state. This is the pain of my discontent when it’s not feasible to ride on two wheels.
I don’t weep alone, my cycle weeps for an adventurous sojourn and dreams of an escape through the vast open horizon. I can feel her urge to break her bonds of entrapment and together we wait.
We wait for the sun to rise.
We wait for the daylight to come alive with a morning yawn and stretch its life to brighten our lives.
Soon the darkness will be recede and our day will come to ride again.

Bike and Hike 2017

Picture a line of motorcycles heading west into the mountainous landscape armed with fuel, tents, sleeping bags and marshmallows. A combination of adrenaline enhanced twisties and moonlight campfires. It smells like peace on two wheels.The quest begins with a thought. It does not matter what cycle you ride, it only matters that your heart beats for the adventure that awaits. So find that tent, that sleeping bag and favorite marshmallow stick and begin to dream of stratospheric scenic views compounded with wilderness wonders that reside beyond the horizon.

“Motorcycle adventures are the perfect antidote to middle age.”
― Alex Morritt, Impromptu Scribe

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The Loneliest Road in America

The Loneliest Road in America

I have no photos to prove I rode the Loneliest Road in America.  Forgetting to take photos for a two-week ride on my motorcycle has not been my finest moment as an amateur blogger.  Over the same two-week trip, I also forgot to put on pants at a family re-union dinner.  Oh yes, this is a true story.  I walked into the room with a short sleeve shirt, shoes, hat and boxer underwear.  I totally forgot my pants but luckily was wearing white boxer briefs which could almost count as shorts but are definitely classified as underwear.  The whole family noticed my fashion blunder and I will go down in the family history as the dude that forgot his pants at the Family Reunion. Luckily shortly after that incident, I got back on my cycle to ride one of the most majestic roads in North America.  The Loneliest Highway through Nevada is not just a clever name to increase tourism, it is legitimately desolate beyond compare.  Think of the Desert Planet Tatooine in Star Wars and you will have an accurate representation of the isolated motorway.  The Loneliest Highway is part of U.S. Route 50 which starts in Ocean City, Maryland and runs all the way to West Sacramento, California.  Highway 50 has been named the Backbone of America which defines its rural spirit.  The Loneliest Highway is a subsection of this interstate which is located in Nevada.  This stretch of payment is a philosophical bikers dream.  It’s not filled with wondrous curves or insane pathway cliffs but its barren landscape breeds independent free thought.  In the desert, the lines of communication between our consciousness and soul become more linked and primed.  Back in 2003, I lived in the desert in South East Asia for a year.  During this time, I wrote without abandon with more conviction and feeling then I have ever felt.  This could be explained by many reasons but I always thought that the desert environment served as a muse which affected my soul directly leading to my literary expressions.  It could be the open skies, the vivid sunsets, mesmerizing dawns, murderous sun or extreme deadly heat but for some reason, the desert enhances ones own own self perspective. 

For me the Loneliest Highway started near Carson City, Nevada along U.S. Route 50 and ended in Delta, Utah.  If you’re going to ride this isolated route, then be prepared for nothingness.  For the first time in my life, I did my homework.  My research found a limited amount of Gas Stations along the way.  I packed an external gas reservoir, to supplement my small gas tank.  This was absolutely needed and was used on multiple occasions.   Sun block is needed and a lot of it.  With every stop, I applied sun block.   I found that the scent of the lotion much better than my natural odor (showers were limited on my trek).  There are plenty of places to camp for free in National Forest and Bureau of Land Management Property.  Watch out for small desert creatures that can ruin your evening if you choose to sleep under the stars.  I traveled with a foam bed roll, sleeping bag and fully enclosed bivi shelter.  I am a huge wimp; the thought of waking up with a rattlesnake in my sleeping bag or scorpion on my forehead makes the bivi shelter and absolute essential for desert camping.  Don’t be fooled, it may be scorching hot during the day but at night the temperature drops and a sleeping bag is mission critical.  Sitting under the night sky while camping on the Loneliest Highway is one of the most peaceful environments I have ever witnessed.  The sounds of the desert, vast star infested atmosphere and the loneliness of the place, transfixed my emotions and brought me into a dream while still conscious.  It’s a great place to be with one’s self and ponder life’s many conundrums.

Nevada

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