As I dwell on my life I can ponder a collection of emotions and experiences. Some are positive and others are negative. There are many actions I wish I could take back. Unfortunately this is impossible but I can learn from the experience and become a better person from it. I have learned that focusing on the ills of the past only makes for more ugliness. I really don’t dwell on my accomplishments either. I have worked in the corporate conglomerate machine long enough to know that you’re only as good as what you accomplished today. In other words, the past has no bearing on your self-worth today. It’s the “What Have You Done For me Lately” corporate policy. There are times when one must reflect upon the past but the trick is not letting yourself get stuck there.
I have been in a nostalgic mood of late and dwelled upon what I was most proud of. It was neither all that profound nor recent. I was 10 and driving home on a school bus. There was a boy of 8 named Neil who sat a few seats behind me. He always sat alone. His clothing was rather old and kind of smelled like an old dirty wash cloth. There were two boys, Shane and Lee making fun of Neil as we rode the bus home. On that day I sat with Neil and told Shane and Lee to leave him alone. I remember they said, “as soon as you get off the bus, we will tease him some more”. I sat with Neil for the rest of the week then he just disappeared. I never did find out what happened to him and can only hope the best for him. That moment has left a genuine footprint on my soul and has shaped my entire persona. I remember that day on the bus like it was yesterday. The fear I felt prior to speaking with Shane and Lee was more then I felt when bombs and bullets were flying around me in Iraq. It was genuine fear but the emotion of knowing I made a difference in a life of another was truly pure joy. I guess that I needed to reflect on that experience. It’s been a while since I have done something that I can be truly proud of and need to do better with the time I have when I have the capability to make a difference. I have been complacent and need to step up and endeavor to make a difference. I need to find that man who I once was when I was that 10 year old boy. Onward towards positive actions!